


I Don't Wanna Jinx It

by DeadAndDying



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: I need to sleep and not write at 3am, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:58:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadAndDying/pseuds/DeadAndDying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Have you told him?” </p><p>Phil groans for about 2 minutes, “Not you, too, Louise.”</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where (most of) Phil's friends tell him <em>get over it</em>, and then kindly change their minds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Wanna Jinx It

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I'd end up here at 4:30am posting a RPF about YouTubers...
> 
> I write this with the utmost respect for all parties involved, and I by no means claim to know anything about anyone I've written about. 
> 
> Also, there's one curse word, just one. 
> 
> There's about 10% editing done to this, so any mistakes are mine and I own up to them.

He wants to ask, “Do you think we spend too much together?”

What he says is, “No, I’m not busy, you can come over whenever.”

Louise tells him he should be worried, that he’s only looking to get his heart broken by a boy who hasn’t figured out what he wants from himself, let alone anyone else. 

His traitorous heart continues to hammer whenever Dan smiles. He doesn’t remember when that started to become a thing, can’t even begin to guess. What Phil does know is that Dan makes him feel like he belongs, for the first time in his life he doesn’t feel alien. 

PJ tells him it’s too soon to think of forever, but when he looks into Dan’s eyes it’s like he’s captured the universe inside them, like, without Dan everything would cease to exist.

Love is a foreign concept to Phil, something he had never seen coming in his near future, or at all. He’d always thought of it as something people make up to keep someone forever, because humans are selfish. In retrospect, he was partly right, but mostly, pessimistic. He knows now, that he’s selfish enough to want to keep Dan as long as Dan will let him. 

Being in love is like trying to understand rocket science, because he doesn’t know what it’s like to have someone that’s also in love with him. Chris tells him that if he just told Dan, maybe, rocket science would come easier to him. Phil laughs, because he doesn’t need any formula to know that Dan would never be interested. 

So Phil does the next best thing, dating, heavily suggested by Louise and PJ (he took into consideration Chris pouting in the background). 

“Why do you hate love?,” Chris had asked while looking at Louise and PJ with betrayal in his eyes.

“We don’t hate love, Chris. We’re trying to give Phil some perspective,” PJ responds looking at Chris partly in frustration, but mostly in fondness. 

It takes about 8 failed setups by Louise and one conversation with Dan to end that plan. 

“You do realize that Louise set you up with some guy who took you to a cheese tasting, right? Does she want to find you love, or show you what you shouldn’t be looking for?,” Dan asks between breaks of full bellied laughs.

“It’s not funny. He tried to make me eat some weird fancy cheese, because he thought I just didn’t like standard cheeses. I’m not a cheese snob,” Phil exclaims. Dan’s laugh echoes in the background.

Louise refuses to give up until she finds someone that fits, and Phil doesn’t have the heart to tell her that the position is already filled. On the other hand, Chris has no problem whatsoever repeating “I told you so” every single time one of his dates goes awry. He’s quickly running out of excuses as to why there wasn’t a second date, but he’ll deal with that when the time comes. 

PJ loses hope after candidate number 15 (they were pretty fit), “Tell him, Phil,” he pleads.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Chris’ voices is dripping with satisfaction. PJ’s only reaction is a roll of eyes and a scoff.

“I can’t just tell him,” whether or not Phil’s voice goes up 4 octaves is no one’s business.

“If you don’t tell him, I will,” PJ sounds exhausted. _Me too_ , Phil thinks. 

“Oh, can I do it? A big declaration of love from Chris Kendall in part of Phil Lester, lover boy extraordinaire. I can just picture it, balloons, hearts everywhere, cupcakes, tiny kisses, both the candy and the lips kind,” Chris is too busy waggling his eyebrows to have time to dodge the sofa cushions thrown at his face. 

“We’re not doing that, no,” PJ admonishes.

“Thanks, peej.”

“Because Phil’s gonna do it himself,” PJ finishes with one eyebrow perfectly arched on his perfect face.

“You disgust me,” Phil says. He’s met with a shrug and matching cheshire grins from both corners of the room. “You’re both the worst. I don’t understand how we became friends.” 

Chris launches himself from across the sofa on to Phil demanding, “Say you love us, or I will never free you.” Phil likes to say he held out for the good of mankind, and the detrimental effects it would have on Chris’ constantly odd behavior, but he lasted about 5 seconds before confessing the sinful act of loving the two most awful people on the planet. 

“Have you told him?” 

Phil groans for about 2 minutes, “Not you, too, Louise.”

“Those two boys wouldn’t know how to keep their mouths shut if their lives depended on it, so what are you gonna do?,” he doesn’t like when she uses that tone of voice.

“I don’t know, mom. I’ve tried to bring it up, I have, but he just doesn’t want to hear it, or something,” he’s whining, he’s become his nightmare.

“Okay...here’s a concept: Maybe, you’re just projecting. OooOooh.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Phil, no. I just meant, have you tried to get through the initial, ‘let’s sit down and chat about this’?”

“Well, no. I kinda just ask if we can talk and then mention some random thing that happened that day,” Louise is clucking her tongue at him over the phone, he’s hopeless.

“Next time, try to actually talk to him,” she says before hanging up without another word.

His mum used to tell him that there will never be a perfect time for anything. She always tells him the story of when his father proposed, the beautiful dinner, the cake he had specially made, and how he subsequently got so nervous the cake landed with a _plop!_ and he had to dig through the remains for the ring.

He goes to her this time, the person who is full of all wisdom he will never be lucky enough to have. He tells her, recounts the memories one by one. He tells her the story about the boy he met, the boy he loves. She tells him again that one can’t plan for perfection, that sometimes heartbreak is a part of life (but that boy is incredibly daft if he doesn’t love you back). It’s what mothers tell you, it’s almost like they were trained to do so. 

So there’s no one’s hand to hold, or there might be. But Phil is terrified, he feels like he’s leading himself to the edge of a precipice. 

“Dan, I have to talk you about something,” and he’s met with a roll of Dan’s eyes, an assumption that this will only be a random anecdote about Phil’s day. 

“What’s it now, Phil?”

“You don’t have to sound so uninterested,” Phil says, smacking him lightly on the arm.

Dan’s eyebrows shoot up in a ‘go on’ fashion.

“Okay, well. Okay, I-you know what? I changed my mind, this is a terrible idea,” he’s standing up, but Dan’s hand wraps delicately around his wrist. He’s looking up at him with wide brown eyes fogged up with concern. 

“Hey, hey, what is it?” 

And maybe it’s the softness in his voice, or the way Phil couldn’t deny him anything if he tried, so, “I love you, like, properly. The love where I want to spend the rest of the foreseeable future with you. The one where I can wake up in the mornings with you next to me. The kind where I tell you that you’ve got stars in your eyes brighter than the night sky. That kind…,” and so he’s left squabbling for what to say next, his brain says, _deny, deny_ , but his heart doesn’t have the fight saying, _finally, finally_.

So he’s here, tipping off the edge of the precipice. He’s no longer curious about what it feels like to fall off the edge without knowing where you’re going to land. Dan is looking everywhere but at Phil, blinking furiously, struggling to find words to say.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I just thought you should know,” and it’s Dan swatting his arm.

“No, you fucking mop. I love you like the way you said you love me, but with more hand holding and kissing,” and Dan’s holding Phil’s face ever so delicately in his hands. His touch a comforting reminder of the gentle tone of his voice. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Dan mumbles between every kiss until, Phil’s heart calms, beating to the sound of _I love you._


End file.
